I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
