I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
