Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize