so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I AM VODKA MAN
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
