took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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