My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i think im in europe. pls send help
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
