woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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