I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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