why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
