final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
