Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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