Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
