I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
