margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
