Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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