so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
