I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
