She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
