i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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