Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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