We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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