The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
