Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize