she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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