If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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