just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize