He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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