I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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