You work out of a Hotel?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
