Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
