summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
