If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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