Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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