Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
