and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
