It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
