You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
