your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
