Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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