I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
