Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
