i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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