My friends, they love my intelligence
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
