i jhust puked up my retainher.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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