This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
