Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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