The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So apparently I’m into choking now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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