Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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