i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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