Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
