Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
