i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
