why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
