i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize