in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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