I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I didn't notice because vodka
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
