were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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