Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
