saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently you make a good broom.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
