Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm determined to sit on that face.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
