woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
