So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize