I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
