I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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