Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
