lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
