I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
