Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize