she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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