my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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