So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
