I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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