I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
