oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
