How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
