got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
