I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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