Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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