i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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