i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
