im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
