so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My balls are so social today.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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