At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
