i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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