So drunk its hurt
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
