Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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