OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
