So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He has the fingertips of a God
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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