my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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