It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
