I wanna bring you to show and tell
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
