I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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