mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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