you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
