pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
