Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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