i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
