Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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