my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
