so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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