oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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