i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize