from now on my penis is your penis
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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